Tuesday, May 12, 2009

One of my saddest days

Yesterday was tough. Actually, tough is to easy of a word. Yesterday was hard, I never want to experience that again. We knew over the weekend that Redford wouldn't make it past Monday, but we were not prepared for the emotions we would feel when the time came.
I can't say that I had more emotion dealing with Redford's death than I did Lexingtons, I think I was more attached to Redford, therefore was more prepared and at peace with our decision.......it just hurt in a different way.

Redford was weighed in when we arrived at the vet, I wasn't sure what the purpose was of the weigh in, but I went along with it anyway. It hit me when I read his weight, he had gained almost 10 pounds since his visit the week and a half before. That was not a good sign, it wouldn't have changed our decision if it wasn't as high, but still, it sorta made it permanent that the decision we were making was best, no matter how much he was still smiling, wagging his tail, or getting excited at the sound of our voice.

In talking with the dr. we saw, she confirmed that his water weight gain in his belly was not better, that it was putting added stress on him and we could definately see that over the weekend. She had revealed to us that she was working the day Red was in for the ultrasound and x-ray and again mentioned that the results showed a very tiny Liver......which ended up being why he was holding onto the fluids.

Our Red was a trooper till the end, I can still see him, standing there, refusing to lay down, standing strong for mom and dad till the end. We kept talking to him, telling him it was ok to lay down, that we would hold him and talk to him the whole way through.....after the dose of sedative you could see his legs start to wiggle, like he needed to lay down but was being strong for us, that was Red, that was the Red we love......eventually with our help and the dr's help, we managed to get him to relax and lie down. I caressed his shoulder while Scott rubbed his cheek.....all while telling him how much he was loved, how much love he brought to our house, how he kept us all feeling safe when we moved in to the new house, how we will miss hearing him walk across the floors..........we told him to run....to cross the bridge happy and be free....no pain, no sorrow, just happy times with his family.

He was a trooper, he was pretty tough till the end, he didn't want to give in.....but he did.......the last thing I did was remove his collar from his neck, the blue one with the stars that I bought especially for him....I will treasure those memories....I will cherish that collar......I will miss Red.....I will always love Red......my very special fur baby.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Mother's Day

That's what today was. It wasn't that..."eventful"...probably because I know what's gonna happen tomorrow and I am very upset about it. I did get to spend the day with my Mom and Dad and my big Sis and her family, so that made it extra special, and of course my kids and husband were there and church was nice...but I have tons on my mind and it's really hard for me to focus on things will what I have to deal with tomorrow.