Thursday, October 3, 2013

Another attempt

I'm trying this again, life has been a fiasco since I said I was going on vacation.  Let me add, life has NOT been a vacation.  If I could go back to the day I wrote my last blog post I would be happy, but I cannot and life must go on.....they say.
Long story short, vacation ended abruptly with me in the hospital, all is moving smoothly now and I feel like I have my own pharmacy at home. I've been forced into mail order prescriptions because I take them so often.  Not fun.

My family has been sucker punched with the loss of a sibling, a son, a friend and a companion.  It sucks.  I don't like the feelings I have anymore, being angry isn't enjoyable and I'm only truly happy on rare occasions.  I find myself worrying more, for my parents, my business...everyone around me...and I've let myself go to a point where I'm not sure I can get back to where I want to be.

I don't like myself.  I don't like my feelings.  I don't enjoy life anymore.

But I have to move on right? 

I'm trying to push my emotions away and move forward, work on my house, do stuff with my kids, anything that will bring laughter to the four of us...that's what I want to do.

School has started and that has helped some.  Kids are doing great academically so far, which is also great as I just don't know if I have the patience right now for goofy homework projects. 

Autumn is here, this is always my favorite time of year...I'm trying to enjoy it as much as possible.  Scooter and I enjoyed a day at the Renninger's antique show in Kutztown last week, just the two of us, yummy lunch, a great find and fun conversation.  Much needed.

Jacob is enjoying his High School year so far, especially vo-tech and the cool stuff he gets to do.  That I am thankful for.

We have a new addition on the way in our family, my niece is expecting.  It will be exciting to have a little one around again...there is something to look forward to, I don't look forward to much anymore, I tend to stay right where I am...

I'm again going to try to get on here more often, it's always my goal, it just never works.